Tier IV: What are we doing here?
32. New York Jets
"I've got an idea for new uniforms. I want to go retro."
"Great! But we already have retro unis from the '60s. The evoke the era of Joe Namath."
"Yeah, but I want to do retro unis from the '90s. They will evoke the era of washed up Boomer Esiason."
"Sounds great, let's do it."
31. Houston Texans
Bland, corporate, soulless.
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I will admit to having a wholly irrational love for the Bucs' old creamsicle jerseys. So maybe I'm biased. But pewter belongs on candelabras, not uniforms.
29. Washington Commanders
The Washington Football Team could at least lay claim to some old school charm via the numbers on helmets. Now the helmets feature a "W" that looks like it came from a Division II team.
Tier III: Fine, I guess
28. Kansas City Chiefs
Red and yellow are literally the two most unpleasant colors you could put together on uniforms.
27. Arizona Cardinals
I have some affection for the simplicity of the Cards' mostly white helmets. But let's face it. This team is not winning any style awards.
26. Chicago Bears
These uniforms are the NFL's version of the Yankees': classic but boring.
25. Seattle Seahawks
Perfectly adequate, except for the neon green, which looks great as an accent but occasionally is used as the primary color, which looks hideous.
24. Baltimore Ravens
This team and the four just below have sleek, modern-looking logos that are all just kind of dull.
23. New England Patriots
Bring back the old uniforms, you cowards! The flag isn't red, white, and silver!
22. Atlanta Falcons
Perfectly dull uniforms for a perfectly dull team. I'll never understand why they mostly ditched the red.
21. Denver Broncos and 20. Miami Dolphins
Likewise, both of these teams traded in tacky uniforms with character for streamlined versions that have no sense of history attached to them.
19. Detroit Lions
Would the Lions' unis seem more classic if the team had ever won anything? They have a solid concept and they've stuck with it for decades. Maybe if the team had a more significant place in league history, the jerseys would too.
18. Philadelphia Eagles
The wings on the helmets are a pretty good idea, and the colors are fine. I'm not sure why I'm left a little cold by these.
Tier II: Prettaay, prettaay, prettaay good
17. Jacksonville Jaguars
Their helmet background used to have gold that faded into black. It wasn't pretty, but at least it helped the team stand out in some way besides losing an epic number of games.
16. Indianapolis Colts and 15. Dallas Cowboys
In the same neighborhood as the Bears, but minimalism works for them.
14. Minnesota Vikings
The Purple People Eaters! Purple uniforms with horns on the helmets sounds dumb on paper, yet somehow it works.
13. Tennessee Titans
Gregg Easterbrook famously dubbed them the "Flaming Thumbtacks." But considering that logo, they look pretty good!
12. New Orleans Saints
They'll never live down the name, but the black and gold look helps make up for it.
11. Cleveland Browns
Sometimes you watch a movie that isn't terribly ambitious but accomplishes exactly what it tries to do. That's the Browns' uniforms. I hope they never change.
10. Carolina Panthers
Maybe I'm biased because these were my high school's colors, but the teal/black/silver combo really pops.
9. Los Angeles Rams
That swirling helmet is a great idea regardless of the colors. But I would submit that it's not a coincidence that they won their two Super Bowls right before and after they adapted the navy and gold color pattern.
8. Buffalo Bills
Like the logos of the Ravens, Broncos, and Dolphins, this one is meant to convey forward motion. The Bills' logo actually achieves it, though, thanks to that red streak. The weird shape of the logo also gives it much more idiosyncratic charm.
Tier I: Iconic
7. San Francisco 49ers
With a name like that, you can't do much with the logo. But the gold and red are *chef's kiss*.
6. Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals have never won a Super Bowl, and yet their uniforms are still iconic. The helmets are that damn good.
5. New York Giants
The road jerseys are pretty blah--white shirts and gray pants, really?--but the home unis, with the blue shirts, might be the best in football.
4. Green Bay Packers
There was once a rumor that the "G" stood for greatness. It has since been debunked, but I like to believe it anyway.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
Putting the logo on only one side of the helmet was an absolutely inspired choice.
2. Los Angeles Chargers
If there's any football jersey that ever had a chance of wowing a fashion designer, it would be the Chargers' powder blue home unis. Nothing else even comes close.
1. Las Vegas Raiders
The Raiders' look is more than just iconic. It encompasses the whole ethos of founder Al Davis: aggression at all times. Sure, it's also associated with lots of penalties and dumb personnel moves. But the Raiders' franchise has an identity. That's more than you can say for most teams.
