Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Before Mark “Rat” Ratner goes on a first date in the severely undercooked “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” he is advised by his friend to play the first side of Led Zepplin IV for his lovely lady. Cut to the date scene, with Ratner driving and blasting—you guessed it—“Kashmir.”

But wait—“Kashmir” isn’t on Led Zepplin IV, it’s on Physical Graffiti. This may seem like a minor error, but the carelessness is symptomatic of the pervasive half-assed filmmaking featured in “Fast Times.” Scenes and storylines feel underdeveloped, like sketches never really filled in. In one particularly egregious example, a fantasy scene is plopped into the middle of the film in which a surfing trophy is given to stoner Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn, in probably his least intelligent role--yes, I am including the retarded man in "I Am Sam"). There are no references to surfing anywhere else in the film. There isn't even evidence that Ridgemont High is anywhere near a body of water. The scene seems to mostly be an excuse to show off a couple of scantily clad women and the finest stock footage of ocean waves money can buy.

The sloppiness would be forgivable if “Fast Times” offered a realistic portrayal of life as a teen in suburbia, but it largely fails on this point as well. When Phoebe Cates gets an abortion, it’s treated as nothing more than a minor inconvenience, like getting a flu vaccine. Contrast this with the weight given to the abortion decision in “Juno” and you see just how far “Fast Times” falls short.

And of course, matters aren’t helped by the painfully unfunny stabs at humor. When Phoebe’s friend Stacy discovers that Mike, the man who knocked Phoebe up, neglected to take her to the clinic and pay for the procedure, it’s payback time. So Stacy writes “prick” on Mike’s car and his locker! Major burn! (This under reaction would be akin to the President declaring that we needed to fight carbon emissions with a voluntary program. Oh wait...)

Even the film’s iconic scene (altogether now, “JENNIFER JASON LEIGH TOPLESS!”) is a pathetic throwaway masturbation joke. When you’re making the “American Pie” films look clever, you might want to quit while you’re ahead.